An Anxious Girl

The Bible says, do not be anxious, relax and trust the Lord.

As loud as the spirit speaks to me, I am unable to obey, well, my heart is willing but my body doesn't corporate. I go into hives, serious panic attacks. I fidget and sweat as my mind sinks deeper into depression of, 'why am I never ok?' I can't reason, I lose my virtues, one broken bridge after another and it hits me! This is actually the bone in my flesh. I shouldn't punish myself for being anxious. I should seek help. God uses mysterious ways to fulfill his will and if my anxiousness is one of it, I accept, I am not ok. I am mentally ill and I need help. So I looked deep within and came up with a routine of calming my mind. Quietening it enough to let God in. An action done several times a week.

I search for nature when I cycle.

With my heart beating from the ride, I stretch a bit and sit on the ground. I close my eyes, take deep breaths and finally, I can hear it, silence!!

My mind doesn’t remind me of my past mistakes and my heart doesn’t cry out for a better day today.

I am finally calm enough to have a moment with God. I read a scripture, meditate on it, pray and sit there listening.

Letting him take over my body, mind and spirit.

In his mysterious ways, he gives me enough peace to take on the day.